MOS Crew Talent Show
Breaking News and Society Reports
Breaking News
(Reporter):Hello, everyone, this is your action news reporter with all the newsthat is news across the nation, on the scene at the Cruise critic boards.
Thereseems to have been some disturbance here. Pardon me, sir, did you seewhat happened?(Witness):Yeah, I did. I's typing' overe there on the boards and here hecome,
running through the MOS, through the ketchup and mustard,nekkid as a jay bird. And I hollered over t' Ethel, I said, "Don'tlook, Ethel!" But it's too late, she'd already been moved.
(Chorus)Here he comes, look at that, look at thatThere he goes, look at that, look at thatAnd he ain't wearin' no clothesOh, yes, they call him the StreakLook at that, look at thatFastest thing
on two feetLook at that, look at thatHe's just as proud as he can beOf his anatomyHe goin' give us a peekOh, yes, they call him the StreakLook at that, look at thatHe likes to show off his
physiqueLook at that, look at thatIf there's an audience to be foundHe'll be streakin' aroundInvitin' public critique(Reporter):This is your action news reporter once again, and we're here at
the cruise docks. Pardon me, sir, did you see what happened?(Witness):Yeah, I did. I's just in here gettin checkin in, he just appearedout of the crowd. Come streakin' around the security check
there, didn'thave nothin' on but a smile. I looked in there, and Ethel was gettin'her a cold drink. I hollered, "Don't look, Ethel!" But it was toolate. She'd already been mooned.
Flashed her right there in front ofthe ship.(Chorus)He ain't crude, look at that, look at thatHe ain't lewd, look at that, look at thatHe's just in the mood to run in the nudeOh, yes, they call
him the StreakLook at that, look at thatHe likes to turn the other cheekLook at that, look at thatHe's always makin' the newsWearin' just his tennis shoesGuess you could call him unique(Chorus)
Society Reports
The International Mustard Society's Inaugural Mustard Ball was held last evening at McCormick Place along the shores of icy Lake Michigan in exquisite
Chicago, IL. Of course, the McCormick family is most recognized for their delicious line of seasonings and spices, so it was au Naturel to embrace their savory
condiment cousins, the esteemed members of the International Mustard Society.
by AngieBaby161
The Mustard Ball was a formal, yellow-tie event attended by everyone who is anyone in the elite Mustard-society. I chose a yellow-sequined and topaz-studded
full-length evening gown adorned with a multi-strand Mustard-seed necklace (compliments of Michuck). The evening was a near disaster as a major faux-pas
occurred when Rosemary and Thyme showed up in the identical outfit as moi’. Fortunately, they were relegated to the kitchen to spice up some dishes!
The Grey Poupon Room was splendid with Mustard sculptures everywhere. The world-renowned sculptor, known by first name only, Dijon, signed autographs
well into the early morning hours, refusing to cease until the last drop of mustard had been squeezed upon the complimentary paper plates. Dijon’s greatest
accomplishments, the Twisted Pretzel adorned with Mustard and the simple yet haughty hot dog artfully slathered with Mustard silenced the crowd.
Yes, Dijon’s sculptures were awe-inspiring, yet somehow humbling!
Chef Colman teased the crowd with eye-pouping culinary delights. Appetizers consisted of such delicacies as spoonfuls of Mustard, a variety of sausages,
Mustard butter, course grain Mustard with beer, and a molded Mustard Ball with assorted crackers, nuts and pretzels - just to name a few. For dinner,
Mustard with a choice of Fresh Grilled Lake Michigan Sea Bass or Chicago Fire-Roast Beef on the side. Also available was Honey Mustard Glazed
Chicken honey, but I was perplexed as to why the waiter called everyone “honey” as it sounded rather peculiar! Dessert featured DIJON DAAZ, Poupon
Popsickle, and Gulden's Garcia, compliments of BonNYTX’s ice-cream creations which will be featured on all MOS sailings.
Dancing under the stars to the music of Colonel Mustard & The French Quartet was the perfect way to end the evening. My size 6-1/2’s are barking today.
Must(ard) have been the bells on my toes! Not to worry, I’ve sprinkled mustard powder in my socks to stave off inflammation and frost-bite!
A wonderful time was had by all.
Most Humbly,
Honestly Ridiculous Cindy (spare time Society Reporter)
Dateline: Tuesday Mar 26 2006
Cruisers aboard the inaugural sailing of the luxury cruise liner Mustard of the Seas knew they would be experiencing many “firsts” on this journey: the first condiment-themed cruise, mustard bingo, sports activities such as Pickle Ball and an at-sea go-cart track, and even European and Asian mustard massages.
But according to passengers, today’s “first” really takes the cake…or, rather, candy: an onboard Chocolate Sliding Contest.
The ship’s atrium is adorned with a spectacular crystal, diamond-encrusted chocolate fountain, which maintains a steady flow of warm, golden-brown liquid streaming from its many levels. However, as with any inaugural sailing, various kinks in ship design still need to be worked out – and apparently one of them is leveling the chocolate fountain. This was discovered when the seas grew a little heavier, and waves began to rock the fountain, spilling chocolate ooze all across the atrium floor.
But these are not your ordinary cruisers. Rather than line up at the purser’s desk to demand refunds or free cruises, this group decided to make the best of the mess by creating an entirely new activity. Instead, they lined up at the bottom of the atrium’s imposing spiral staircase dressed in their skimpiest swim attire, eagerly awaiting the sound of the whistle from John (Jonty09), the onboard R&R Enforcer.
PHWEEEEP! The shriek of the whistle pierced the air…and off they went! Dozens of passengers launched themselves at top speed onto the slick floor. Some went headfirst, others feet first. Picture Wham-O's Slip-n-Slide... run, slide, get covered in chocolate, squeal with delight. And squeal they did. Spinning and rolling like otters sliding down a mud embankment, their peals and squeals echoed off the atrium’s lofty ceiling. Soon you could no longer tell the passengers apart, covered as they were from head to toe in rich, slippery brown muck. Other than brown, the only flashes of color were the occasional pink tongue darting out to taste the delicious mess as they shot across the length of the cavernous atrium.
Across the room stood a man dressed in an impressive mustard-colored uniform: Captain Speaking. Among his many important duties today was to determine the winner of this new form of cruise activity: whoever crossed the finish line (into the casino) first.
The chocolate-covered human projectiles surged forward. Closer and closer to the Captain they drew, although some began to slow down. (This was mostly due to too much tasting, as the tongues dragging across the chocolate-covered floor tended to slow the racers down.) But the leaders of the pack had their eye on the prize: a pile of chocolate martinis, already poured and stacked up like an alcoholic layer cake on a table in the casino. Arms pointed forward, they sped like chocolate-covered bullets directly towards the Captain.
It was a neck-and-neck finish, but finally the Captain leaped out of the way to avoid the speeding bodies as they shot directly into the casino, barely missing the table stacked high with martinis. The Captain blew his own whistle to signal the end of the race…but the crowd lining the walls and writhing on the floor couldn’t tell who’d won! Ten racers seemed to have crossed the finish line at the same time, and only Captain Speaking had the viewpoint from which to declare the winner. Even the contenders weren’t sure, as they managed to stop themselves and stand up, awaiting his decision.
The Captain, doing his best to prolong the suspense, walked back and forth, stroking his chin as if he was struggling with his decision. The crowd held their collective breath until finally he marched confidently forward and grabbed an arm, lifting it triumphantly in the air…the arm of Allie (Cruisinsince99), Mustard of the Seas’ very own chocolatier! The crowd roared! The chocolate covered pack descended on the table of chocolate martinis, downing some, pouring others over Allie’s head she grinned in triumph.
All that remained was the cleanup, a part of this activity presided over by The Wog. Pink tongues began to appear everywhere, as the chocolate racers…(oh wait, this is a family-oriented publication…details of the remainder of this event will be left up to your imagination.)
Thus drew an end to one of the most exciting days so far on Mustard of the Seas.
LeeAnne, Mustard Society Reporter